Mental health vent day for me.
Taking you back to February 29th 2012:
I was 19 and got back from an overnight volunteer shift at my local peds ER, got home to sleep before taking my girl at the time to her shift later on that day followed by my EMS shift.
All of a sudden I hear a thump on the ground, the home attendant calls me to the living room and I find my father on the floor. He's sitting down telling me he can't breathe, the home attendant freezes up with no fault to her. I get it, then my father stops talking and now has agonal breathing, he has a small pulse but then goes into cardiac arrest. I begin CPR immediately and the first few pushes cracks his frail ribs and sternum, I keep pushing I keep count of every push and while I do that I ask the home attendant to call 911.
All this has happened in a matter of less than 2-3 minutes at most, she freezes again I take the phone and call 911 while doing CPR. I gave the dispatcher a rundown of what's going on while doing CPR. I heard the firefighters come first and I go to the window and I wave them upstairs, I knew some of them I served some of them pest control products when I used to work at The pest control center, then EMS comes and I also know some of them because I worked with some of them at the ER.
I transfer CPR over to the firefighters and I see them working hard trying to keep his pulse, EMS arrives they attach the EKG monitor and I still see he has a slightly jumpy pulse but nothing concrete, we lose him, we bring him back, then we put them on a scoop stretcher and bring him down from the third floor no elevator, we take turns with the scoop stretcher then we rush them in an ambulance and take him to the hospital. He doesn't make it they put me on suicide watch, then I had to figure out life on my own after that.
My life has never been the same since, I think about that moment every day that moment is ingrained in my brain like if it just happened yesterday.
Writing this while shedding a tear or two and while elevating my heart rate.
I do this for myself as much as I do this for you, I want you to know that each one of us has our hell and our own cross to bear. Keep pushing through your worst days, and I promise you will see the light. Even with the memories that trigger certain emotions you will get through the day, believe me you will.
Keep Fighting.
To my dad I love you I miss you and I wish you were here, I hope to one day figure out how to run this business successfully and set the example that you set for me.
Much love. 👨👦🙏🏼✝️💭
Ramb0561
#MentalHealthAwareness